


An Empty Promise

by PlayerOneMell



Series: Echoing Words [3]
Category: Be More Chill
Genre: Angst, Gay, Halloween party mentioned, Hospital, Kisses, M/M, Post: SQUIP, Promises, Senior Year of High School, a little fluff, boyf riends - Freeform, first ‘i love you’
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 13:43:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15797718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlayerOneMell/pseuds/PlayerOneMell
Summary: Jeremy and Michael come to an understanding about what’s going on Michael’s brain- well kind of. Jeremy feels guilty for what Michael has done to himself, but there’s nothing he can do to change it. Michael doesn’t want Jeremy to feel guilty.Michael and Jeremy make a promise that is bound to broken in the future.





	An Empty Promise

Michael is sitting in a hospital waiting for Jeremy’s reaction to what has happened. Michael just explained to his boyfriend his entire story. Why he’s lying in a hospital bed, and the word he has carved into his right bicep. It’s his right arm because Michael is left handed. 

 

It’s hard for Michael to recall his memories like these because they seem to burn and spiral into a much darker place inside him. A place he wasn’t aware he had. It was easier before the SQUIP, wasn’t it? When he thought being weird was rad. Everything was perfect back then. Well, except the way Jeremy felt. 

 

Jeremy feels a sinking feeling defeat anything else he could possibly be feeling in that moment. Jeremy feels defeated, how could he not notice this about his love? His best friend. His riends. His boyfriend. Jeremy swallows his tears for a moment and extends his shaky hand to Michael. 

 

Michael is unsure of how to react to the pale shaky white hand in front of him. Michael can’t even make eye contact with his nerdy boyfriend in front of him. Although that Jeremy’s hand is close to him, he seems so far. Michael’s heart feels fragile. If his fingers dare brush against Jeremy, will he break? 

 

Michael’s lips tremble and he longs for Jeremy to say something. He is unsure what to do with his gesture. He remembers back at the play during junior year when he said gestures meant everything, and Jeremy refused to apologize. It was the SQUIP’s fault that Jeremy couldn’t apologize. 

 

Now Michael is looking at Jeremy, who is indeed offering a gesture, and observes how things have now changed. Jeremy is silent and offering a gesture. On top of all of that, Jeremy is SQUIP free. Why would Jeremy ever hurt Michael again? He would do so of his own accounts, that is for sure. 

 

It takes the 17 year old Filipino boy a moment, but he eventually takes Jeremy’s hand in his, and he notices how shaky Jeremy is. It becomes clear that Jeremy is having a lot of emotions for the story Michael has just told him.

 

As Jeremy sits down on the edge of the young Mell’s hospital bed, he feels the guilt rise in him once again. Jeremy knows that this is all his fault, it has to be, right? Jeremy wonders this to himself silently. He knows that Michael can see it in his eyes. If Michael would look him in the eyes. Jeremy wonders what Michael has to be embarrassed about. 

 

Things such as this happen to people. Jeremy understands that this was an accident. Jeremy knows Michael would never feel depressed and not tell him, right? Unless Michael’s afraid of him. Jeremy doesn’t think that could be possible. That can’t be possible, right? 

 

It’s not possible. Michael is not afraid of Jeremy, but he is afraid of facing the tidal waves of his depressing thoughts. Sometimes the thoughts just crash over him as if they were a tsunami. Michael is no aware, more than ever, he can’t do this alone. 

 

Michael used to be afraid to share that he was going through this. That he is going through this. He feels a slight relief now that he has told Jeremy. It is bad to carry the weight of the world alone, and Michael’s glad Jeremy’s still here. 

 

Although, the silence between the two appears to be deafening. There hasn’t been a word spoken in minutes. Michael isn’t sure if he should speak or hold his tongue. Michael wants Jeremy to stay something, not just look at him the way he is. Michael’s not even sure what kind of look Jeremy is giving to him. Is it pity? Anger? Heartbreak? Worry? Michael doesn’t want that. He just wants things to go back the way they were. 

 

It’s unclear who should speak next. Both of the boys seem to be biting their tongues for the moment. The mood is tense. Michael’s moms decide to leave the room to give the two boys some private time. It makes Michael feel even emptier. He knows it’s probably best that it is just him and Jeremy so they can discuss. His moms need to talk to the doctor anyhow. 

 

“Michael, how long have you felt like this?” Jeremy finally speaks up, though it is obvious he is choking on his tears. “Is it really since that stupid H-Halloween party at Jake’s h-house? Mikey, that was over a year ago.”

 

Michael nods, looking away. He doesn’t want to see Jeremy cry over this. All of this is so silly, even petty. Michael despises that word with all of his being. He doesn’t hate it as much as he hates the ‘L’ word, that word makes his insides burn and tear into a million pieces. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Michael says quietly. 

“It’s okay, Michael. This is all m-my fault, I should be the one apologizing.”

 

This is exactly what Michael doesn’t want to hear coming from Jeremy’s mouth, but, of course, it is exactly what Jeremy said. Michael know he’s a fool for hoping Jeremy wouldn’t say such things. 

 

“It’s the SQUIP’s fault. That stupid Keanu Reeves imposter.” Michael sighs. 

“B-but it’s my fault for taking that pill.”

“It’s my bad for helping you find it, and not helping you know that you were just cool the way you were. It’s not your fault.”

“It’s n-not yours either, Mikey.” Jeremy tries to reassure him. 

 

Michael sighs, knowing that perhaps it isn’t his fault at all. Although, Michael’s the one who wrote his least favorite word on his arm. It’s his fault that he cuts, and his fault he feels this way- is it not? If he had never gone after Jeremy on that Halloween night, he wouldn’t even feel this way. Jeremy might’ve never called him that horrid name. Well, Jeremy actually wouldn’t have been able to see him at all. Would it have been harder to save Jeremy if this happened? Michael isn’t sure. He’s glad Jeremy is age now, that is all that matters.

 

“Sometimes I feel like it is. Like I wasn’t there for you enough. I was so cheery and happy. I’ve always tried to make you feel that way, but I can’t make you feel anything. You were going through a rough time. Your mother might’ve been gone for years, but it was clearly effecting you and your dad. I didn’t know you felt so left out at school. There’s so much more I could’ve done for you.”

“And it’s my fault for not coming to y-y-you.” Jeremy sighs and rubs his thumb across Michael’s knuckles. 

“It’s my fault for not telling you about this.” Michael mumbles in response. 

 

It is possible that both of the teenagers are at fault in this situation. It is technically Jeremy’s fault for saying what he said in the bathroom over a year ago now. Michael knows it is his fault that he cuts, no one else’s. Sure, this whole situation could’ve been avoided because of the quantum technology from Japan. That’s just whoever made the SQUIP’s fault. 

 

Michael and Jeremy stare at each other for a moment, but then quickly look away. It’s as if they are avoiding saying something, and then it hits Jeremy what he was going t say as soon as he saw Michael. He had completely forgot until now. 

 

“Michael, it’s gonna be okay. I’m just relieved you’re alive, you know why? Cause… cause I love you.”

 

That phrase just makes Michael’s stomach flutter. His heart skips a beat and it is heard on his heart monitor. It is the first that Jeremy has said that him while they were in an official romantic relationship. 

 

“I’m s-sorry! I shouldn’t have said anything!” Jeremy squeaks and blushes. 

 

Michael is trying to find the right words to say to Jeremy in this moment. This moment can either be perfect or a completely flop. It all depends on what Michael does next. It takes Michael a moment, but he rips the breathing mask off his face and cups Jeremy’s face.

 

“I love you too, Jer.” Michael smiles against his lips. 

 

Jeremy is positively stunned for a moment, but then he realizes what Michael has done. Jeremy blushes immensely and pulls back from Michael slightly so that he can help Michael but his breathing mask back on. Jeremy wraps his arms around Michael and hugs him gently. He wishes he could hug Michael tightly so he can feel the safety of holding onto the boy he loves, but he knows that Michael is probably fragile right now. 

 

Jeremy’s never seen Michael weak before, and he wonders how he’s gotten to this point. How could he have not noticed? It’s the one question that Jeremy is continually asking himself. He can’t believe that he is so blind, oblivious even. Jeremy just wish that Michael would feel better. 

 

“I’m going to be here for you. Can you p-promise you’ll try and talk to me when you feel down? I promise I’ll listen. No matter when. Night or day.”

“You really mean that?” Michael says, hope carrying in his chocolate colored eyes. 

“Of course, anything for you.” Jeremy smiles softly. 

“Only if you can promise me the same thing. I’ll always be here for you.” 

 

Jeremy nods in agreement that he can follow through with this promise that they have made together. However, as time goes on - they both will break that promise. After all, promises aren’t always kept. Good people can break promises too, and they only do it out of the good of their hearts. Just like Michael will, but that’s for another time. 

 

Michael smiles at Jeremy, smiling with his eyes a bit because his breathing mask covers his mouth. Michael is just happy that Jeremy hadn’t overreacted; he’s overjoyed that Jeremy is by his side after the long story that he had told. 

 

Isn’t it wonderful that Jeremy and Michael can sit and hold hands after all they’ve gone through? It seems a little crazy, but it’s good that they are there for each other. After all, it’s been that way since they were little kids. It was mostly Michael protecting Jeremy when they were kids. Michael still remembers all those good times. However, right now? There’s only one thing on Michael Mell’s mind.

 

“Hey, Jer?”

“What?”

“Promise me a whole lot of cuddle time when I get out of here, huh?”

“I promise, sweetheart.” Jeremy grins. 

 

All of the stress leaves the room in that moment, and Michael actually feels as if he will be okay. He feels as if things are going to get better. If he knew this is how it would feel to come clean and be honest about what’s going on inside his head, Michael would’ve done this a lot sooner. However, he’s just happy he feels safe and loved once again. Everything is okay… for now. 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry guys, this was a short one. There’s a lot more to come for this series. Fluff isn’t really my thing, so you know that there is a lot more angst coming your way if you continue to read the series. I writer the works in this series whenever I feel like it. I have other fics I’m working on. I’m trying my best! Tell me what you thought of it.


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